Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Hate #1


I will be the first to say that to have a great marriage/relationship you need to communicate with your partner. Does not necessarily mean that I do it the greatest with my husband.

I can talk to him about family, the bills, everyday things but when it comes to me I have a hard time. When it comes to my feelings of sadness, excitement, happiness, anger it takes me a while before I am comfortable. This is when we get in our biggest arguments and get angry spells.

He is a talker, he has to talk about his feelings and be validated. Which makes me even more upset because he keeps repeating the same problem after I have told him I understand. I don't want to listen to the same thing over and over again. No matter what I say it doesn't resolve the problem for him.

I am very guarded with my feelings. Too many times I have voiced them to be shot down by another's judgement or overbearing feelings. I guess in a way I just want to be heard. Not fixed, not adjusted, just heard. I want to be able to say things out loud so I can think more clearly and not have to worry about the look on someones face, the noise of belittlement, or judgement in someones eyes.

I do want to be free.

Hence this blog. I an not overly angry at life but I do deal with those feelings. This is a place to voice me. I don't like putting myself in a box of silence.